Drunkard's secret
by Scana
Summary: AU - modern, Merthur slash, femslash (Gwen-Morgana) One night, lots of drink and inappropriate behavior cause one thing lead to another and the troubles can begin! I'm bad at summaries sorry for that. Also every feedback would be much appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

**Drunkard's secret - Hello everyone! This is my first ff here so I hope you'll like it! The characters are a tiny little bit of OOC I tried not to overdo it so we'll see how that goes.**

 **Merthur slash and  femslash too (GwenxMorgana)! Also there is some mature content so you've been warned. AU modern time, both boys studying in uni. Fluff over 9000! **

**There will definitely be a sequel to this. I'd appreciate every reaction and since this is my first english ff there can be some mistakes but I've really tried so I hope it will be okay. Have a nice time!  
**

* * *

Merlin had a head-ache. A ridiculously enormous one. His mouth was dry, his throat sore and somehow he felt the tendency to cough. As he tried to get up he found two things that didn't let him.

First was his head. As soon as he wanted to lift himself a thousand dark sparkles crawled into the corners of his vision and the world started to spin furiously. The second was a hand. A very strong, sexy, muscled hand wreathed around his waist.

Merlin fell back to his pillow with a groan of pain. Okay. He needed a second maybe two. Some dangerously important questions appeared in his mind.

Where am I?

Who is this?

What the hell happened last night?

He closed his eyes thinking maybe this is a dream. With his one free hand (the other was under the head of the bloke sleeping next to him) he attempted to massage his temple trying to remember _anything_ from last night.

His thinking was painfully slow. His mind felt heavy and useless. He started to realise that his whole body hurts, his limbs hurt as well and are just so heavy he really didn't want to move them. What gave him a real shock was the feeling his bottom was spreading through his lower back and hips. Don't tell me. No. You can't be serious! Merlin! What the hell have you been doing? Well that was apparently quite obvious but still – what he fuck? He has to remember!

Okay so there was some kind of party in the evening. Birthday? No, Gwen got a promotion that was it. They celebrated with Lance, Gwain… quite the usual crew. But since she was making fun of her new fortune and wealth she took them to some better club in the centre.

Oh god, there were lot of dancing, inappropriate touching and drinking. God the booze.

Merlin knew that _that_ was the cause of everything. He forgot during the euphoric night that he wasn't allowed to drink because of this new pills.

Except the booze Merlin couldn't do one other thing. And that was falling asleep. He was busy with his studies and helping in his uncle's psycho office – as he used to call it. So Gaius (the uncle) gave him this anti-depressants. They actually _did_ help him sleep, but he didn't know that it would knock him out after few drinks like that.

As hard as he tried he simply couldn't remember anything more. Totally blank. Oh shit.

He looked at the man beside him and his heart sunk and stopped beating for a moment.

No way. Fuck. Fuck! It couldn't be! Anyone but not him! He was sleeping with fucking Arthur Pendragon. What did he do to deserve this kind of punishment?

For Arthur it was rather tiring evening. He and his step sister's friends were doing some usual party stuff in the club Morgana was managing. The night was long and he really wasn't in the mood to party hard. He had another long conversation with his father earlier that day. Oh god how he envied Morgana her strength to stand up to him. He always did everything he told him and yet it seemed it isn't enough. It will never be enough – bitter thought crossed his mind.

Morgana gave him some drinks on the house and tried to be nice for a change, which was actually pretty suspicious.

"You don't look well," she sat beside him at the bar, putting one hand on his knee.

"Well… I guess not," Arthur appreciated her affection but right now he didn't want to talk about it.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid _stupid_ ," she had worried look on her beautiful face and Arthur must smile.

"Today you are a weirdo. What's going on?" he changed the subject. Morgana sighted. She curled up her shoulders and her cheek went slightly pink. Arthur couldn't tell if he was more frightened or curious what could cause his step sister to react this way. Because this was the most girly thing he has ever seen her to do.

"You see the group over there?" she pointed vaguely on the dancing floor. It took a while before Arthur found out what she was talking about.

"I think so," he leant against the handrail which separated the place for the bar and dancing.

"You see the black girl?" Arthur searched a little again but then he knew exactly who she was talking about. Step siblings or not they had same taste in people.

"What about her?" he was teasing her a little.

"I just wanna do her so bad," Morgana grinned and did a very nasty hand gesture. Arthur almost felt embarrassed but he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Aren't you supposed to be a bit more lady-like?" he gently punched her in the shoulder.

"Maybe, but then it wouldn't be such fun," Morgana ordered two shots and they drank them together.

Some moments later Arthur found himself in the dancing crowd. His wrist crushing by the Mrogana's long nails as he was dragged with her.

They were close to the group Morgana was talking about and Arthur found someone even more appealing than the black girl. To his own surprise it was _Merlin._ He knew him from school. They shared some of the lectures and usually they fought with each other, making their life difficult but so much funnier on the same time. At least for Arthur. Sometimes picking on on Merlin and his mad reactions were the only things that could make him smile during whole day.

That night there was something strange drawing his attention to this boy more than usual. He looked somehow ecstatic (little did he know that it was because of the combination of alcohol and sleeping pills) his hair were falling down to his face over his left eye, the ridiculous scarf thing he was wearing to uni wasn't around his neck and Arthur noticed how long and slender his neck is and how sensual his collar bones looks. His heart suddenly skipped a beat when their eyes met.

Merlin was dancing and waving his arse and hips to the rhythm which made Gwen laughed but it indeed looked so sexy and hot that Arthur felt the need to lick his lips.

Merlin's eyes were shining with pure energy and tease. Mischievous smirk spread on his face as he made his way to Arthur.

"Well, what do we have here? Isn't it famous Arthur Pendragon?" Merlin leant over his shoulder so he could talk directly to his ear not having to shout over the music. His breath felt hot on Arthur's neck and his hair tickled him on his cheek.

"Well, what do have here? Isn't it famous nobody Merlin?" Arthur chuckled as he took advantage of the situation and also spoke to Merlin's ear.

"Prat," the way he spelled the word made Arthur's heart beat faster. He could feel from his breath alcohol, his cheeks were slightly red from the dancing and he was panting from the hot air in the club. It was insane.

"Idiot," somehow Arthur's hands found their way to Merlin's hips as he pressed him closer. He wanted to mess with him so badly. He was clearly out of his mind. But at that moment it felt so natural touching Merlin's bottom and flirt with him that he didn't think about it much. Especially when Merlin wasn't running away and what more he seemed to be enjoying himself.

The first touch conjured a puzzled expression on his face though.

"Can you tell me, why on Earth would Arthur ever wanted to touch my arse?" he spoke with his lips too close to Arthur's ear. Contradicting his words of confusion his hips started to wave again to the rhythm and his hands were resting on Arthur's shoulders.

"How can I resist when you throw yourself at me like this?" Arthur press his one hand on Merlin's butt and the other went wandering over his back.

"So I'm the one to blame?" Merlin lifted one of his eyebrows making a surprised expression.

"It never cease to amaze me how stupid question you can ask, Merlin," Arthur whispered his name with extra low voice with lips slightly brushing on his neck. Maybe it was just an inkling or did Merlin actually moan a little? Just thinking about making Merlin cry and scream started to boil Arthur's blood.

It was insane. They were in club full of people, literally everywhere, pressing against each other but he felt like they are alone in the whole world. And nothing existed except that rushing seconds of Merlin and him together.

When he tore his gaze away from him because he saw with corner of his eye that Morgana was already attacking the poor girl, who seemed to be rightfully confused as she was kissed by a strange women.

Merlin still couldn't believe it. What made him to sleep with Arthur? He was awakening slowly but his brain worked little better than in the first moments after he woke up.

He could now recall some of the flirty dancing in the club a then the subway train.

They were both drunk and their legs kept getting in the way. Especially Merlin tripped over his own feet at least ten times before they finally jump into the train. They laughed and Arthur was making fun of him but on the other hand his arm around Merlin's shoulders made sure he won't fall, so he didn't complain that much.

They stood in the least visible corner of the wagon where a few people were. Merlin heard music in his head and he didn't want to keep his hands off Arthur. Fortunately he didn't mind.

"Where are you taking me?" he smiled at him still dancing to the beat in his own head.

"Home." Arthur purred into his ear and Merlin shivered.

"Oh really? And what will you do to me when we get there?" Merlin had absolutely no idea where this words came from. He just knew he wants to go with flow. Arthur was hot and he was alone for some time now. His trashed brain did the math. Besides this night was just magical. It occurred to him that this is the only logically way this evening can end.

"I will spank you for being such a dirty boy, Merlin," Arthur's lips on his ear made him aroused enough but when he heard _that_ his heart was beating furiously and he caught himself breathing hard. His hands were on Arthur's hips slowly and furtively rolling up his t-shirt just little so he could draw circles with his thumbs on that fucking perfect V line.

"Oh, fuck, Arthur," Merlin started getting hard when he imagined all the things he wanted to do with him right now.

The train swung out of blue when it hit a turn and Merlin lost his balance. His chest crashed into Arthur's, his crotch against Arthur's and _oh god he was hard too_. That was the only thing he could focus on right now. That and the soft skin of his neck right in front of his eyes.

Smirk on his lips was pretty cheeky as he leant closer to the delicate skin and started nibbling it softly. His lips lightly touching his throbbing artery as he licked it and sucked the flesh leaving there a love-bite. All over him was scent of Arthur's shampoo and cologne which was so hot. He wanted that scent all over him.

"I want to fuck you," Arthur's voice was hoarse filled with greed and hunger. It made Merlin's shaft twitch with absolute horniness. He pressed his hips harder against Arthur's and he could feel his hands on his arse and one of his thigh slipped between Merlin's legs.

"I want you so bad," Merlin answered shoving one of his hand under the fabric of Arthur's t-shirt.

Arthur never felt hornier than that moment in the elevator. They somehow managed to get out of the subway on the right stop. They were both panting and blushing. Their eyes eating the other with such greed Arthur was seriously considering he would just fuck Merlin right on the spot. Merlin took his hand entwisted their fingers together.

"How far?" Arthur could swear that Merlin's voice has never been so husky before.

"Not close enough,"

Merlin chuckled. It looked like the small walk was making him calmer and less drunk too. But that wasn't what Arthur would want. He wanted Merlin completely out of stress or nervousness and surely out of his mind. He _needed_ the raw and passionate and slightly drunk sex tonight.

Finally he saw his tower block. They were almost running towards the door. Arthur pushed them and didn't even bother to tell something to the guard or receptionist in the hall. Merlin had some stupid comment about "the mansion of Arthur Pendragon" but he was cut-off by Arthur's persuasive kiss.

"Shut up," Arthur hissed and pressed the button of the lift. Merlin gave him one of the sexiest smiles and it was driving Arthur mad imagining what he would make him do with that lips.

"As you wish, _sire._ " Merlin just had to have the last word. Their hands roamed all over each other touching and scratching.

The lift was finally here. Arthur couldn't wait another second. He slapped Merlin's arse pushing him into the cabin leaving there the poor receptionist and guard in awkward situation. The two couldn't find any word to describe what did just happened nor could they look at each other. Was it really young Pendragon with some _bloke_? Imagining how much would the press pay for that information they sighted and hoped it would be calm night, secretly hating the firm policy about keeping privacy of their residents.

Arthur pressed Merlin against the cold surface of the mirror, one of his hand clasped both of his wrists above his head and the other rushed his hair out of his face as he held his cheek and kissed him. It was hungry and eager kiss, his lips were crushing Merlin's with need and lust. He bit his lower lips humming in satisfaction. Merlin's lips were a little dry, he was biting his lower lip quite often too, but they were so amazingly hot and soft. They felt just marvellously perfect.

His hand explored Merlin's chest, finger pinching his nipples over the shirt causing Merlin to moan Arthur's name. He slipped his tongue into Merlin's mouth and provoked him to play with him. He brushed over some of his teeth. Merlin sucked his upper lip and wasn't behind with all the tongue entwining and biting.

Both of them groaned as their bare skin on their stomachs touched. Merlin was rubbing his cock against Arthur's. The jeans were painfully tight.

"I swear I could cum when you hold me like that," Merlin cried when Arthur was literally biting his collar bone and unzipping Merlin's jeans.

"You have dirty mouth, Merlin," Arthur's voice sent shivers down Merlin's spine. He sounded husky and longing. He slipped his hand into Merlin's shorts and Merlin cried his name when he started rubbing his cock.

"So fucking sexy," Arthur purred to his ear and kissed Merlin again.

"Please let me touch you," Merlin moaned to his lips.

"How much you want it?" Arthur teased him.

"I'm dying to touch you, to feel your hot skin, to nibble your chest and nipples, to grab your dick and lick it all over making you cum and scream," Merlin murmured desperately.

"Such. A. Dirty. Mouth," Arthur was breathing hard, feeling he will burn any second, he swore he could come just from Merlin's filthy words as they made him rock hard. He let his hands go, immediately feeling them all over him.

The elevator stopped and jingle announced they were on the right floor. Both ignored it completely lost in the other.

"You're driving me crazy," Arthur growled as he dragged Merlin from the lift towards his door.

Merlin felt incredibly hot again. Just remembering all of that made him aroused and he thought he has to be crazy for wanting Arthur of all people this insanely much. Where did it come from? He couldn't help himself. He let his fingers to wander around Arthur's arm and the stupidly gorgeous shoulder to his neck and soft hair.

He had trouble to believe that is he is actually in Arthur's room. In his bed, where he sleeps and probably does bunch of other stuff as Merlin had the pleasure to see. He looked over the room. It would be pretty clean if their clothes wasn't all over the floor. This was so surreal.

"Oh my god," Arthur moaned with pain next him. Merlin had to chuckle.

"Rise and shine, lazy daisy," he ruffled his hair even more than it already was.

"Oh shut up, Merlin," Arthur looked at him with one eye open and the other still closed. It was just so funny Merlin had to laugh.

"Still prat after all," he pulled back his hand, resting it behind his head.

"What time is it?" Arthur tried to sit and failed hilariously.

"No idea,"

"How come?"

"I'm not your servant, you know?"

"Oh but you loved to obey my commands yesterday," Arthur's smirk was so arrogantly sexy Merlin blushed and felt the urgent need to kiss him and repeat the awesomeness of the last night. But he didn't know how Arthur would react and he didn't want to ruin these nice memories by destroying the calm morning. So he was content with just scolding him.

"Prat,"

"Idiot,"

"Clotpole,"

"Turdface,"

They could go on and on but soon after both of them burst out laughing. Merlin felt the heat in his cheeks and lust in his shaft as he saw how blanket rolled down exposing Arthur's bare chest and stomach. He was proud of himself when he saw love-bites over Arthur's neck and chest. It was incredible.

"Honestly I thought it was just a dream," he spoke softly. Arthur smiled gently but said: "You have these dreams often?"

"Not telling you," Merlin stick out his tongue. Arthur smirked and leant in for a kiss. All the alarms in Merlin's head were going nuts as he was completely confused. Even more when the kiss was slow and lazy. It was so different from all the passion and heat yesterday. Merlin breathed into the kiss softly. Couldn't stop his hands from roaming on Arthur's thighs. Suddenly Arthur hissed in pain and pulled himself back form Merlin shoving his hand off his leg. Merlin's heart stopped for a moment as he had no idea what went wrong.

"What is it?" he asked looking all confused.

"Oh, sorry, it's… it's nothing. My head is just killing me," Arthur made a horrible excuse for a smile and started to put on his trousers.

"Yeah, sure. Mine too," Merlin sighted, his gaze focusing on Arthur's leg trying to figure out what wasn't okay.

"I should have some aspirin, wanna some?" Arthur haven't even looked at him. Merlin didn't know what to do.

"I'd love to, thanks,"

Arthur left the room. Well that was odd. Merlin tried to remember anything concerning Arthur's legs from the night but he wasn't really focusing on that. More like images of literally _everything else_ than his legs spread in his mind.

He shoved his head to the pillow smelling the scent of Arthur's shampoo and sweat and cologne. It was all over him. He had a very nasty feeling he doesn't want to shower. He just wanted to keep the smell on him longer. It made his heart race. He was telling to himself, that it is normal due to all the things they did last night, but he simply couldn't deny that he felt some kind of attraction to Arthur even before it all happened.

What is he supposed to do now? Will they talk to each other or Arthur won't even look at him anymore?

Arthur was in the kitchen fetching some water and getting the pill. Fuck. He was pretty angry with himself. He run his hand through his hair couple of times but he couldn't settle down.

He was acting like prick. But he didn't know what to do. He was glad that Merlin haven't noticed yesterday and he surely wanted to be it this way today too. He wasn't feeling like explaining anything. Moreover it was still unclear what Merlin thinks about the whole matter, more importantly what he thinks about Arthur.

You could say he didn't know if he can rust him. Hell he wouldn't even know how to start the conversation about this.

"Merlin you know, my father acts like a bloody wanker sometimes and all the pressure on me is just unbearable so I cry like a little bitch and cut my leg because no one can see it there," Suuure. Hell no. Arthur was feeling utterly embarrassed that he sometimes did these kind of things. But he couldn't help himself. When he was feeling low he was a completely different person. Person he didn't want to be. He wanted to be happy, full of self-esteem, rocking the life like a bloody king not some sobbing excuse for a man.

But he didn't to want to ruin the morning mood. Merlin was so sweet and he surely didn't do anything wrong. Arthur sighted and went back to the bedroom. It was weird having Merlin in his home like this. So casually.

He found him curled up in the covers, his hair one big mess and his hand covering his brow. Something surely wasn't alright with Arthur. A few days earlier he wouldn't even think about fucking Merlin and now his heart was racing and he wanted so snuggle him. Oh my.

"Rise and shine you said, huh?" he sat beside him offering him the pill and water.

"Oh, stop being such a prat," Merlin's voice was bitter, his eyes avoiding Arthur's gaze. Great. Arthur fucked this up.

Arthur could feel the rising misunderstanding between them but didn't know what to do about it. He knew that leaving it be is not such a brilliant idea, but the other choice was to tell Merlin everything and he still didn't want to do that.

He waited until Merlin drank the whole glass of water and then he kissed him. Hoping that it will help him forget this whole messy situation. As he leaned over him his hands were exploring his bare chest and it felt so good. Arthur wished this moment would last forever without complications, without boring studying, without his persuasive father and surely without his crippling depression waiting for him just around the corner.

"I know what time is now," Merlin smiled at him. Arthur was a bit confused as his mind was somewhere completely else but then he returned the smile.

"Yeah?" he kissed Merlin's neck.

"We can still catch the lecture," Merlin hugged him, his nails finding its way to the scratches on Arthur's back.

"You wanna?"

"Acutally yeah,"

The looked at each other, Merlin with curiosity and Arthur with disappointment.

"Nerd," Arthur let him go.

"I suppose we will go together? Wanna have shower?" his eyes were shining and he enjoyed looking at Merlin's blushed cheeks. He didn't respond for quite a long time. Arthur was wandering what he can be thinking about.

Merlin didn't understand the man beside him at all. First he hissed at him and then he want to caress him? The offer to shower was ridiculously hot. Merlin imagined he would use Arthur's shampoo and shower gel. Something was definitely wrong with him.

"Yeah that would be nice," he finally murmured. Arthur showed him the way picking up his clothes on the way, gave him towel and everything. He watched Merlin in the water while he was brushing his teeth and Merlin felt awkwardly aroused. For some reason he was breathing faster as the charming smell was all around him. Oh he felt like a creep.

When Arthur was out he felt so incredibly hot. Fantasising about the sex in the shower he became hard. He couldn't resist. After the night before his whole body was covered in bites and light bruises, his skin sensitive and his cock throbbing almost painfully. He got rid of it quickly secretly enjoying the feeling being so dirty in Arthur's shower. He was most definitely a horrible creep.

He stepped out of the shower feeling ashamed as hell. Merlin put his clothes on rather absent-mindedly. He brushed his teeth as well using a spare tooth brush Arthur had.

When he came back to Arthur's bedroom the other man was in clean clothes making the bed. Merlin rested on the doorpost watching him with chuckle.

"Don't say a word," Arthur voice was full of warning and bitterness.

Together they went out from his apartment to the cursed lift. Both of them lost in their own thoughts looking at each other inconspicuously. They weren't talking. Not one word about the night or the morning. Not even offer to breakfast or former quarrelling.

In the lounge they met the suspicious stares of the guard and receptionist. Arthur was polite as usual not mentioning the night before. The two employees weren't sure it wasn't all a dream. The boys were acting like nothing. It was certainly awkward. But then again both of them had some hickeys on their throats so it had to be true.

Merlin waited for Arthur smiling shyly at the receptionist and she blushed. It didn't miss Arthur's attention.

"Merlin, flirting already? And behind my back too?" an arrogant smirk spread on his face as he watched Merlin's perplexity.

"Shut up you prat," Merlin tore his gaze away all red.

"You surely have such a dirty mouth, Merlin," Arthur was feeling happy for making Merlin miserable and uncomfortable. Teasing him was just so much fun he couldn't help himself.

"You didn't complain last night, you bully," Merlin struck back. His voice was playful and cheeky smile was on his face. Arthur could feel the rising heat in him and the tension in the hall could be cut with a knife.

"Tease," Arthur almost hissed at him and took his hand.

"Have a nice day, sire," the receptionist squeaked behind their back as they were leaving the apartment building.

"You too," Arthur smiled back.

After they left the two poor servants counted minutes until their shift was over. This gossip was hot as hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Even though Arthur took his hand when they walked out from his apartment building he let it go pretty fast, shoving his own hand to his pocket, as soon as they walked out to the main street. Merlin sent his way a questioning gaze, but Arthur pretend he didn't notice it. It left the raven haired man once again confused and little hurt. They remained silent for a few minutes, then Arthur started talking about something concerning the school. He acted causal but his voice trembled a little. Or it was just Merlin's imagination?

At this moment Merlin thought it would've been easier for him to just go alone and have some time to think about the whole situation. He started to feeling upset. From his point of view Arthur sent out a bunch of bloody messed up signals and everything about this morning was just _odd_.

What the hell was Arthur thinking? In one second he is all nice talks and flirting and the other he is just cold and merely friendly. At one point Merlin pierced Arthur with an angry look. Will they ever talk about what happened between them or will they pretend it was just a mistake?

Merlin felt a bit a lot, like really A LOT frustrated. He didn't have the slightest idea what was going on in Arthur's head and it indeed did piss him off.

Their ways parted when they arrived to the uni. They stopped walking, Arthur faced Merlin but in the end didn't even look at his face properly. He said he had to go to catch up with friends. Merlin thought it was pretty lame excuse, but as he was staring at him, he was just too mad to say anything. After a few moments of utter awkwardness Merlin said: "If you say so, then bye I guess?" and waited a second if Arthur answers. Which he didn't so Merlin sort of snorted and walked away. He needed to cool his head before doing anything stupid.

Later that day, when he was finally in his room again (he lived with his uncle near the psycho office, where his uncle Gaius worked) he went through the whole matter for the at least thousandth time. He was still angry - the rage was driving him crazy all day, but he also felt tired. He spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding anyone who has ever talked to Arthur Pendragon, so he didn't have to face his own inner drama. Now he was laying in his bed, snuggling his pillow without a chance to ignore his affections any longer.

To sum it up he was feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. He was expecting whole morning that something would imply that Arthur enjoyed what happened as much as he did, that _something_ would make clear how the two of them stand now. But what if Arthur actually wanted to kick him out and never talk about it again? Maybe he really hated Merlin and was disgusted by the idea that they had sex?

Merlin was annoyed with these thoughts because they seemed reasonably true. Arthur wasn't talking with him about anything important, he didn't looked at him, he hadn't touch him, he basically ran away from him… Merlin was just stupid for thinking he was wanted.

When he looked at this like that, he couldn't come to any other conclusion than that he was rejected by Arthur. Maybe something like the pleasure he delivered last night wasn't good enough and that whole Merlin-during-the-sex was rejected too, which of course made him feel like a piece of garbage.

Sudden wave of insecurity and self-doubt hit him pretty hard. He wasn't that low since the not so good break up with Will…

Truth is he didn't remember exact details, but he was pretty sure, that he isn't bad in bed? Well… His confidence was crushed into pieces. And he didn't feel like ever touching anyone again.

And the oddest thing was, he didn't know why he was so upset about it. He didn't know why he wanted to be cherished nor why he should be. It was just simple drunk one night stand, right? So why was his heart beating so damn fast and why did his chest clenched every time he thought about it? It just didn't make any bloody sense.

* * *

Arthur felt like he was in some kind of bloody dead end. He was distracted for the past few days, he couldn't focus on anything and didn't do well in the football trainings too. It seemed to him as like he was somewhat off his usual self and by any cost he just couldn't crawl back into his own skin.

He tried pretty hard not to think much about the other night, because he didn't _want to_ think about anything concerning his feelings. Whenever he tried to do that it ended in embarrassment and he never wanted to look in the mirror again.

On the other hand Arthur started to realize it just won't do without some self-observation. So the main question was – why the hell was he acting so strange? Messing up this bad isn't something the mighty Arthur Pendragon do. And what was the worst - it started affecting his love life too.

The thing is – Arthur was currently dating Sophia. That meant that his little adventure with Merlin counted as cheating. The absolutely unthinkable worst of the worst was - he happily forgot about her. When he was with _him_ she haven't crossed his mind not eve once! He completely let her out of his mind till the moment she called him the next day! And the main plot twist is that he _felt bad for going out with her instead of feeling guilty for cheating on her._ For some magical reason that was beyond his ability to understand it, he didn't want to Merlin to find out that Arthur was seeing her.

This was something that made his brain hurt a lot when he tried to put some sanity back to his senses. And it was driving him crazy too. It was just one big WHAT THE FUCK beaming at him. There were several problem with this "feelings".

He of course felt bad for betraying her. She was maybe a little slow but she was all in all a good girl and nice too. She doesn't deserve this. And he shouldn't have done it from the principle. So he definitely couldn't proceed the thoughts of wanting Merlin again! This was insane, abnormal, paranormal – call what you want, but it was just _wrong._ Arthur by any means simply couldn't long for a man. It was unheard of. His dad would most likely disinherit him for it.

And the other side of the coin was – _Merlin?!_ Seriously? Why of all of the people Arthur talked to - why _him?!_ He was a joke! That man was weird and unsocial and with completely different interests, maybe he was a bit funny and sometimes he looked sexy with that smirk of his BUT THIS HAS TO END NOW!

Arthur couldn't let this madness continue any longer. He has to man up, start to be himself again, forget about this codswallop and be happy with Sophia again. The last thing he needed was to betray and hurt more people than he already did.

But then again since that night he was avoiding Sophia and was scared of meeting her. He was scared of touching her too. Because in the last few days when he tried to relieve some stress and made himself feel good the images and memories of _fucking Merlin_ (literally) lingered in his head and just won't go away. This was ridiculous. If this will go on for some more days he may finally lose it for good.

The only thing that made him a bit better was, that Morgana looked even more miserable than him.

On the weekend Arthur decided that the best thing would be just go home to pay a visit to his father and sister. This alone proved that something is wrong with him, since he was so eager to live in his own apartment so he could avoid them as much as it was possible.

After a quick ride, he parked before the main entrance of their household and entered. His father was fortunately on some business trip. That meant that he won't scold Arthur for everything he had done wrong. Now.

Arthur took his bag from a trunk and went to his old bedroom. The nostalgia of this place, the merely memories of his mother and happy days struck him. He felt weak and was sure that if he was alone for a moment in his privacy he would sob little.

He wasn't even surprised when he found Morgana spreading on his bed, face showed in the pillow in attempt to kill herself. She was still living home. It wasn't a problem as she attended different university and had her own interests closer to their house than Arthur.

"Make yourself at home, Morgana," Arthur sighted and started to unpack his laptop and some papers he needed to finish during the weekend. His room was quite messy, not like his current home. On his table were lots of jotters and papers and things in general. He pushed them to the side of the desk causing some of them to fall on the floor. He didn't mind.

"Shut up," Morgana answered. It was unusual for sure. It wasn't her sharp response that made Arthur feel like he was a wuss. It made him stop unpacking and look at her closely.

"Something happened?" he cautiously sat beside her. Another _shut up_ slipped through her lips.

"Okay, don't tell me, but don't complain later," he was getting up when her hand reached him. He sat again and congratulated himself for being such a sly fox. After all he knew what would made Morgana share her thoughts.

"She is seeing someone," Morgana sounded hurt. It was first time Arthur saw her like that. He was a bit confused. At first he didn't know what she was talking about, but then he remembered the brown girl in the Camelot club. Apparently that night was somewhat cursed. Everything is now more complicated than before.

"I didn't know you cared that much," he didn't know what to do, so he tried to gently stroke her hair? It felt weird and completely out of place so he stopped quickly. She haven't noticed it anyway.

"How could I not to? You don't remember? We used to talk to each other a bit before, you know ages ago, before they moved away. I was so happy, when I saw her again. I thought… I just thought maybe it meant something, that maybe we should be together after all. Destiny and such a crap, you know? But in the end she is seeing someone else… Again." Her voice was bitter and she didn't look at Arthur.

That was correct. Arthur didn't remember at all. The face didn't seem familiar back then and even though he could recall it quite well, he just haven't had the feeling of realization.

"I thought it was your first time meeting her," he mumbled.

"You're an idiot, right? She is Gwen. You know the _Gwen_. The you-used-to-date Gwen. The I-broke-my-sister's-heart Gwen," she could go on and on but it suddenly came back to his mind and Arthur pressed her head into the pillow to make her shut up and hide his embarrassment. Morgana gasped for air and squeaked to the pillow. She slapped around her blindly, hitting Arthur on his leg and back. He finally let her go not listening to her rubbish swearwords.

"Are you trying to kill me or what? You're bloody idiot!" she yelled. She sat beside him, moved away from the pillow. Just in case.

Arthur didn't know how to feel about it. Why was it even more complicated? Why was universe such a bitch? Wasn't one foolishly attractive Merlin enough to make him suffer? Why bringing back these awkward memories? The only thing he could say was "Ouch."

"Yep, OUCH," Morgana agreed, "why can't I have a bit of luck? Why every girl I like is straight and every non-straight is weird?" she sulked.

"Well, that is truly unfortunate. What a bad luck you have. You poor little witch," he teased her a little. Seeing his biggest bully and fear heart-broken like this hurt him too. After all in these moments it was hard not to feel any sibling's affection and he did like her. He just wouldn't say it even if his life was at stake.

They talked about it a bit more. Morgana told him about this Lancelot and her voice was bitter, her eyes pierced him fiercely and Arthur was glad that gazes can't kill. He hadn't any problem with her fancying Gwen. For him Gwen was already forgotten. It was just a childhood love anyway, nothing serious. They split because Gwen's family moved away after her mother died and that was it.

When Morgana was content with her complaining she asked him an out of blue serious question. "Why did you come here anyway?"

He hesitated with the answer a bit too long. He didn't know how much he want to tell her. He was sure she will make fun of him and he has to reconsider how much he can humiliate himself in front of her. In the end she made him spill the beans and tell her everything. Arthur still thought it wasn't fair threaten him with deleting all his favourite shows and keeping his laptop as a hostage.

She was quiet for few minutes which was a bit scary and Arthur found himself nervous. He caviled his fingers with nails and his palms got sweaty. He was already regretting for saying anything when Morgana shocked him with her response. She of course made fun of him, but that was just out of habit: "Well congratulate for screwing up another relationship! This time it may even be two birds with one stone!" Arthur snorted. "But I have to say I never liked Sophia so I'm glad you're messing this up."

"Very funny. I'm not messing up anything. Things with Sophia are good and this _Merlinccident_ was just a mistake. It won't happen again," he was angry. In his opinion Morgana was just being unnecessarily rude.

"You're not fooling anyone. Clearly you think about him and you care about him. The fact that you wanted to hide Sophia from him speaks for itself. I'm telling you – you and Sophia won't last for much longer."

"You've gotta be kidding. How can you know that? And what are you trying to say? That I can happily bring home a man? Did you consider the consequences? Father would-"

"Uther can't decide who you will love. I'm not saying that you will be with him till death. But now you starting to fall for this guy. Arthur, I _saw_ you two at the club, you can't deny it. I'm not blind."

"You know nothing! That is nonsense. What you saw was just alcohol and moment of… confusion. I can't possibly hurt Sophia like that! What do I say? I've cheated on you with this stupid bookish freak and now I'm breaking up with you and sending our almost year-long relationship to shit? That would be a disaster!" by this time they shouted at each other.

"You're just being ridiculous! Alcohol and confusion? Don't make fool of me! I know what I saw. You were totally fucking the other with your eyes. It wasn't just you, Arthur. Merlin did-"

"That doesn't mean anything. Besides you were too preoccupied with your… _business_ , god knows what you were thinking at that time. All of this has to end."

"If that's what you want to believe – okay! Be a prat! But that doesn't change anything. You know I'm right and by trying to act so posh you only hurt yourself! Sophia isn't that amazing and if you were as satisfied with her as you say, you wouldn't have slept with Merlin."

"Don't call me a prat," Arthur murmured. Only he called him like that.

"That's not the point, right? You can be whoever you want to be. You don't have to date girls Uther will approve. We're not medieval anymore. All of this _knight code_ crap – like I can't do this because we were together almost a year – is shit. And in the end you wouldn't be the only one who will suffer. Merlin would be hurt too!"

"Exactly! That why this has to end. We just go back to how it was before. It's ludicrous that this one night stand caused so much trouble," Arthur looked away from her. His heart was pumping hard from all the yelling and qualms feelings. He felt heat in his cheeks and knew he has to be blushing. Arthur ran his fingers through his hair all puzzled.

"Do you honestly think we can?" Morgana spoke softly looking directly at him. Her expression was a bit painful but there was something in her eyes that made Arthur's heart sink. He couldn't say anything. It would be pointless. They already said everything that has to be said. The rest was on them.

Though the discussion with Morgana was hard and nerve-wrecking, Arthur felt at ease. Maybe it was because he could tell someone what was in his head, maybe was Morgana some kind of enchantress and just made him better – which was improbable. If Morgana was magical she would made him suffer. Arthur shivered and laid on the bed.

She left some time ago but he couldn't bring himself to do anything useful. His papers were almost screaming on his table, laptop bravely open. Yet his mind was spinning, his whole body felt crushed and empty. Arthur closed his eyes trying to fight this inner emptiness, the feeling that something in him is rotten. He pressed his eyes with knuckles pushing the tears back, desperate for the spinning to stop. His breathing was sharp and rambling. The feeling like everything around him is breaking, the light getting dark, the whole world stopped, was driving him crazy. He was scared of what is plummeting in front of him, crashing into him in few seconds. He was scared that his life is changing again.

* * *

Merlin's weekend wasn't quite like he was imagining. He still felt bitter since the last week's Arthur madness. It was foolish and unreasonable and he was stressed and he was acting like a total prick too.

He met Gwen day after the cursed night in the school. They had lunch together and she noticed he doesn't look so well. She asked him what happened, digging it up and he sort of snap at her. His pride and ego was hurt and he didn't want to talk about it. He felt humiliated and vulnerable. She was surprised by his reaction and they kind of fought. He felt bad about it, but Gwen was avoiding him and "his childish attitude" for some days now. Merlin had to work for his uncle as well, so he haven't had that much time to look for her.

As things continued like this second week he looked like zombie. With dark bags under his eyes, his skin looked suspiciously gray, his hair were just flat and without a shape. He clearly couldn't sleep. He was thinking about it a lot, but he didn't want to take the medication. Before the pills he could fall asleep at least _sometimes._ But not anymore. Now he needed the pill to calm himself enough to actually sleep. And he didn't like that. He decided that he would sleep without it again, but his brain revolted against him and just didn't let him. He thought about the stupid Arthur all night, with racing heart and painful longing. It was desperate and pathetic. Merlin knew that Arthur drew a line. They haven't spoken since that day, even if they shared some lectures they just haven't looked at each other. Or more like Arthur haven't looked at _him_. Merlin hated himself for that but he was getting slightly obsessed with this whole matter.

When Gwen saw him she made rather big scene about his appearance. He was just going from the lecture with Arthur. His eyes were following the blonde man keenly. Today they made a brief eye-contact but Merlin looked away quickly. His heart was still pounding from that stupid second or two and he was especially angry with himself.

"Merlin!" he heard Gwen's shocked voice, "you look terrible! What happened? Do you have any more lectures this afternoon?" she ran to meet him and hugged him tightly. He was stunned. Her hug felt so warm and comforting he almost started to cry.

"Hi Gwen," he held her back, his voice trembling. "I'm so sorry for what I said earlier. It wasn't your fault I was just being a bitch. Sorry I hurt you," Merlin hide his face in her hair. He was exhausted and her calming presence was exactly what he needed. He felt so bad for spreading bad mood around him.

"It's okay, you just had your period. I understand," she let it go with laugh. Merlin chuckled which was more than what he had done in past two weeks. "Now why don't you tell me what happened?" she tried to let go of him, but he squeezed her firmer.

"It was a nightmare. But it's kinda long story," he hesitated.

"Are you free? We could built a fort on my bed and get some ice cream, " she gently stroked his hair.

"I love you," Merlin cried a little and finally let her go. She blushed and started to laugh. He smiled and with corner of his eye he saw Arthur looking at them? He couldn't believe it. He looked at him properly and he met with his anxious look. It almost felt frustrated. It just struck Merlin that he didn't look good either, he had greasy hair and pale face. Merlin drew a breath to say something, but Arthur made a few steps back and then simply walked away.

"That was strange," Gwen pointed out. They watched him together for a bit longer until he disappeared in the crowd.

"Yep," Merlin agreed.

"Sooo, my place?" Gwen smiled. Merlin happily followed her.

* * *

Almost another week passed since Arthur's talk with Morgana. He thought about it a lot. Which was unusual for him because Arthur was man of action not man of… sobbing and bloody thinking. He mostly ignored Sophia or told her he had a lot of work to do. Which wasn't completely untrue, so he wasn't feeling like that much of an arse.

He just really didn't want to meet her after Morgana's prophecies. Now he was sure he didn't want to sleep with her and they didn't do much other stuff than that. It occurred to him that their relationship was maybe a bit shallower than what he thought in the beginning.

Today was also the first day when he found the courage to look at Merlin. He was sitting two seats behind him and one seat to the right. His heart was pounding when he realized that Merlin was checking him out too. And probably more often because it felt like his eyes were just glued to him. For a moment Merlin haven't noticed Arthur actually looked at him. When he did, he blushed furiously and tore his gaze away. It was so damn adorable Arthur chuckled. What's wrong with him?

He had to admit that what Morgana have said wasn't _complete_ nonsense. But he was still unsure of his own emotions. He couldn't say he didn't love Sophia anymore, nor that he was head over heels for Merlin. It was still pretty messy, but it felt like today was first step forward after a long time.

When the lecture has ended his heart sunk a little when he saw Merlin hugging Gwen. They were talking loudly too. A _nightmare_? Really? Arthur was for a Merlin a fucking nightmare?! Sharp pain made his chest clench. He was in a rage of emotions and it was so confusing. He heard something about ice cream and fort. He was so fucking jealous at that moment he felt pathetic.

At one point Merlin looked at him, his expression was a bit worried. He was about to say something, but Gwen pierced Arthur with an angry gaze so he rather walked away with his heart bouncing painfully. He took out his phone and sent a short message to Morgana:

 _M + G = BFF_

He got answer in ten seconds.

 _We're so screwed._

* * *

I'd very much appreciate any feedback, thank you for reading!


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